hmmmm... okay, so I feel like I can't breathe. I have asked myself before what it is inside me that keeps me going in life. I feel like the more I appreciate things, the more they depreciate me, or I myself depreciate. Why is that? I'm not sure how I got stuck on this feeling, but I guess maybe it's just been the passed few days. Now don't get me wrong I completely loved the passed few days, actually I don't think they could really have been too much better in any way. I just feel like something is missing in my life. Something that has always been missing and now I think I'm coming to find that I will never find that missing piece of my world. That it will always be gone because I always give it away. And its a part of me that is lost, and has never known its home and therefore can never find its way back. I think really I should just stop interfereing in other peoples lives. Maybe if I just let them live, I can be where I need to be, and that is in a log cabin alone in the middle of nowhere... Breathing in the earth and taking in Life and Love and God and just not expecting anything from anyone. So therefore from today on, I will not be contacting anyone anymore. Unless I am required to through circumstances beyond my control. If you need me then you will contact me, if you don't then I will understand. I'm tired of feeling like maybe I'm a bother in other peoples lives. I'm tired of people not understanding the beauty in the world we live in. My life will now be that of a cattle; I guess its time to do what it takes to continue to get nowhere in life. I will be dedicating my life to working. I will plan accordingly for the next 2 years until I can buy my house and live in it alone. Cause thats the next step in life right? "Get busy living, or get busy dying." But isn't that the same thing?

Eventually, like I always do, I will slowly fade from your hearts and minds. Till its almost as if maybe the person you knew as me was just a silly dream. I realize why I left again.



I am a bad poison for your soul,
you cannot taste me,
yet I trickle down
into all the holes of your body.
When you bleed again,
I will spill out
into everyone around you.
And I will spread
as rains pour out
and into the earth;
soaking the ground with life.
Only, I cannot be contained,
in glass, memory, or mouth;
Rather, I will be the cage of skin
that binds your bones within,
and envelops all the air around you.
I will place a sickness,
in the words of spoken lies,
and choke your sins
in the breath before you make them.



to be continued I am guessing.... i should finish this but, it took to long to write it down and therefore it has been lost... in... translation.... guess what the title is, or the poem is about and I'll give you a cookie.



I am Ardor, Feel my passion, desire, intensity, love, life, zeal, devotion.



Maybe, someone will actual feel me eventually....maybe.